Why empathy is hugely important in a child’s development and for the future of society

All of us parents – and these days it’s especially noticeable – are on the lookout for some talent in our child. It’s as if the greatest failure would be for our child to turn out “only” average. We all hope our child will be the next mathematical genius, a new Messi or Ronaldo, or a painter up there with the greatest artists… But perhaps it’s time to nurture a different kind of talent, one that every child already carries within them and just needs a little encouragement to develop – and that is the talent for empathy.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. This ability plays a key role in children’s emotional development, helping them to build positive relationships, learn communication skills and form deeper emotional connections with others. At its core, empathy fosters compassion, understanding and support, which are essential elements for building a healthy and happy community.

Empathy as a virtue in character building

Empathy is one of the key traits on the list of desirable virtues in character building according to positive psychology. Developing this virtue enables children to become aware of their own emotions and those of others, which is crucial for creating harmonious relationships. 

Through empathy, children learn how to cope with different situations, develop social skills and gain a deep understanding of human experience. This trait not only enriches them, but also steers them towards behaviour that contributes to the community and makes the world a better place.

The difference between empathy and compassion

Although they are often used as synonyms, there are differences between empathy and compassion. Empathy is the cognitive ability to recognise and understand the feelings of others, which means we can share in happy feelings too – such as joy, excitement or pride. Compassion, on the other hand, is an emotional response tied exclusively to the suffering of others. While empathy enables us to understand the full spectrum of other people’s feelings, compassion is specifically linked to the urge to help those going through hard times.

While empathy is important for connecting with others, compassion motivates us to act and offer support. Both of these traits are key to a child’s development, but empathy is the foundation and compassion is its natural continuation.

Understanding others and being there for them

Empathy can be defined as the ability to recognise and understand the feelings of others, as well as to put ourselves in their position, in “their shoes”. In practice, that means active listening, showing understanding and offering support to those who need it. 

For example, my daughter showed remarkable empathy towards children with developmental difficulties at nursery. When she sees that a child is struggling or upset, she doesn’t just respond with understanding, she also offers help, gives encouragement or tries to calm them down, make them laugh… She also often shows empathy towards younger children when they burst into tears, not knowing how to control their emotions and solve their problem, so she tries to distract them, cheer them up and comfort them. If anyone ever asked me to talk about my daughter, this is something I would always praise and highlight, without false modesty – something more important to me than any of her successes at school, in sport or in art.

My son shows a particular empathy towards animals. When he comes across an injured animal or hears about animal cruelty, he feels the need to do something. How many abandoned kittens has he saved, feeding them with a syringe, massaging their little tummies, keeping them warm and keeping them alive! His desire to help shows how empathy can steer children towards positive actions and social responsibility.

Imagine a child without empathy…

Imagine a child who isn’t empathetic. They have not a shred of patience or understanding when mum has a headache or dad is tired, refusing to grasp that parents aren’t operated “by remote control” and that their sole purpose isn’t to entertain them 24/7 like clowns and children’s entertainers. The kind of child who doesn’t notice and doesn’t react when their peers are upset, who couldn’t care less about their best friend’s tears. Or a child who doesn’t get up on the bus for an elderly person or someone carrying heavy bags. That child will grow into a person who doesn’t offer a hand of support or a shoulder to cry on when one of their friends is sad, and who feels no need to help when they see an injustice. 

In a sea of people who ignore a woman who has fallen in the street and simply walk past her, you need at least one person who will help her up, call an ambulance and do what needs to be done. Let your child be that person. Let there be as many such people as possible. It’s important to understand that empathy is something that must never remain just a “nice extra” to someone’s character – it’s a must have trait, not just a nice to have. Children who don’t develop empathy often grow into adults who are like soulless robots – focused only on themselves, incapable of connecting with the world around them.

How books and conversations encourage empathy

In our conversations about the books we read together, such as “The Little Match Girl” (a poor girl left at the mercy of the street and the cold) or “Little Toto” (the main character’s best friend has infantile paralysis), my daughter expressed deep compassion for the literary characters facing hardship. On top of that, even today she often comments on how unfair it is that the rich humiliate the poor, or that certain groups of people are worse off simply because of their nationality or the colour of their skin, which shows her understanding of social injustice.

Sometimes it even crossed my mind that her being so sensitive to the suffering of the defenceless and the weak wouldn’t really do her much good in a world where everyone looks out for themselves. Today I’m convinced that if everyone made a bit of an effort to develop empathy in their children – through personal example, conversation and shared experience of works of art that encourage empathy – our societies would be fairer.

Empathy as a key factor in success

If it’s not enough for you that your child is empathetic simply because it’s a desirable and priceless trait in today’s soulless world, look at the bigger picture – empathy doesn’t just play a key role in all kinds of interpersonal relationships, it can’t do any harm – it can only help with personal and professional success. According to Stephen Kauffman in his book The Empathy Factor: Your Competitive Advantage for Personal, Team, and Business Success (2007), empathy can be a key advantage in working with teams and in business environments. Kauffman stresses that the ability to understand and share the feelings of others improves communication, strengthens interpersonal relationships and fosters team cohesion. In that context, developing empathy in children not only contributes to their emotional development, but also prepares them for more successful functional roles in society, where cooperation and understanding between people are essential.

In today’s world, so-called “soft skills” are increasingly valued, including abilities such as communication, cooperation and emotional intelligence. Empathy is ranked among these important skills. For example, a person with a wealth of knowledge and work experience but no empathy may struggle to work in a team, because they don’t understand the needs and feelings of their colleagues. That’s why developing empathy in children is crucial, not only for their emotional development but also for their successful integration into the community.

Experts at minding their own business

I’m sure you know the sort of people who, when you confide in them about a problem with your child, start boasting about how perfect, successful and problem-free their own child is. Or the ones who, when someone shares a traumatic experience on social media, comment with: “That’s never happened to me” or “You must have brought it on yourself.” As if everyone has become an expert at ignoring uncomfortable truths. Unfortunately, many people today are becoming increasingly insensitive and “above it all”, as if that were their defence mechanism, a way of protecting themselves from all the ugliness going on around us. On the one hand they “fall for” made-up stories about grand gestures on social media, and on the other, when they actually need to help someone in real life, they pretend not to see, teaching their own children that it’s better to “mind your own business”, because that way you’ll “get on better in life”.

Many politicians, had their parents hugged them more and taught them empathy when they were small, might today see beyond their own noses and their own interests. Unfortunately, precisely because of a lack of empathy, they are often focused exclusively on their own gain, personal enrichment, square metres and kilometres, ignoring the lives and needs of those they are supposed to serve. Had they developed a genuine understanding of others, they probably wouldn’t make decisions that ruin the lives of many, but would strive to create a better and fairer society. Empathy isn’t just a trait that enriches the individual – it’s essential for responsible leadership and collective wellbeing. Empathy can prevent the suffering of others. Is there anything more important than that?

Conclusion

Empathy is a priceless trait that can be developed and nurtured through everyday interactions and experiences. It’s important to encourage empathy in children, because it not only enriches their lives but also contributes to creating a more compassionate and fairer society. Through conversations, films, literary works and everyday situations, we can help our children become empathetic and aware individuals, ready to care about the world around them.

In a world like this, which so often demands that we focus only on our own interests, we need people who won’t turn their heads away from others, but will offer a hand of support, creating a community in which empathy and compassion become the foundation of human relationships. Let our children be those people.